Going Green

Posted on March 18, 2016 by Bob Martin

Lesson with creative teacher at kindergartenNo this is not a posting about recycling and causing less pollution. This about something more important. Today’s writing will is about the joy, excitement, and enthusiasm of a child, and how she got there.

One of the things that I love to do is attempt to look at the world through the eyes of a child. I am fortunate that our eight year old constantly keeps me on my toes. She makes sure that I am engaged with the world not as an old, grumpy adult, but as a young person seeing so many things for the first time. I am excited that we get drive time in the morning when she can verbalize her thoughts and visions. I am thrilled that she loves to learn, embraces trying new things, and can ignore, for the most part, the criticisms when she is different. I would like to think that this is due to my wife and me. However, there are so many others in her life that show her this, some so much better than we could ever do. It all came about from a plea I received while picking her up from school on St. Patrick’s Day.

“Daddy. I need to be green tomorrow. Can you help me be green?”

At first I thought that she had her days confused. Then I remembered that her school was doing a green day on the 18th. I am not sure why, but I do know that this was decided on by the students’ ASB. The kids had decided to make the 18th green day. I can remember the all call we received on Sunday. “Please remind your student to wear green on Friday.”

“Okay. I will wash your shirt,” really my Notre Dame shirt, but somehow I had lost ownership of it.

“No, Daddy. I want to turn my hair green,” slight pause. “I mean, yes, you need to wash the shirt, but I also want green hair.” Ugh.

We ran to CVS in hopes of finding some temporary green hair dye. We were told that only beauty salons have it during the year. The other stores only have it on Halloween. We looked at eye shadow and lipstick, but I could not justify spending $20 for a one-time event. I googled it, and found the food coloring works for temporary hair color. I had that at home. Score.

We then spent time after dinner preparing the mixture and brushing the dye into her hair. We had a great time with this project. Though I must say with my color deficiencies I could not see anything but darker hair. It all looked the same to me. Thankfully her face, arms, and old t-shirt showed me that we really working with green. After blow drying the hair, we showed it off to mom and got approval. The nice thing was that it cleaned up easily.

This morning our green child went skipping into her day care. She wanted to show off her color. As I walked behind her watching her, I realized that this was her M.O. most days. There are rare occasions that we sort of drag ourselves down the walk into the building, but this has more to do with tiredness and not for lack of wanting to go to school.

I kept thinking about this after drop off while walking back to the car. Our daughter likes loves school. I started thinking of all of the times she repeated back lessons from the day before. I once had a 45 minute lecture on the difference between minerals and rocks. Each lesson sounded just like a teacher talking to a student; she even questioned me for understanding. Again, this is due to others.

We are very fortunate in our district to have great teachers. While I will not use names, if they are reading this they know who they are. Please note that I am not speaking of just the ones in her classroom or past. I am talking about the entire school. She constantly talks about the teachers who walk the playground at lunch and talk them. There is one teacher in particular from an upper class that she constantly lets me know when he comes and talks with the second graders. These teachers do more than teach they instill a want to be at school and do their best.

Since my wife and I are part of education, we know the work that teachers put in. We are well aware of the fact that hours upon hours are put in at home. The plan, they grade, they worry, and they care. However, in the last couple of years, we get to see it from the side of the parent. As a teacher, I used to think what do the kids say when they go home. Now as the father of a student, I get to hear what our daughter says about the teachers. Yes, we do hear about how her teacher can get upset with the kids, but those are rare. We hear about the cool way they talk about the lessons. We hear about the way they teach through dancing, we hear about them hatching chickens, and we hear about the way the students are given the freedom to paint their hair green and feel great about it.

The cool thing though is that she gets it from more than her teachers. I used to make fun of the comment about it taking a village. Now, I am not so sure. I see the other people at her school and how they interact with the students. I see our friends and how they make sure that our daughter is included in conversations. I see the good in people as they work with the kids of our nation. How do I know it works? I know because our daughter thinks of others, she is excited to learn, she wants to change the world, and she loves. Finally, I know because she wants to go green to show how much she cares about what is happening at school.

I know that teachers like ours are all over the country, the world. I know that the people who work with kids, for the most part, care about the children and our future. We are lucky to have people like this to make sure we do have a tomorrow. This is how I ended up with a daughter wanting to turn her hair green. This is why our daughter runs up the walk to school. This why I have high hopes for her future.

Okay. I have written and erased the ending a number of times. I want the world to be this happy-go-lucky place. I want to be able to write how all of the children have the love for school and want to learn. I want to write about how they all come from loving homes. I can’t and this tears me apart. I had students in my class who would share stories with me. They told me about struggles at home. The mentioned how they have parents that love them, and yet they don’t know what they will be eating that night. They told me of the pains of living with people suffering terminal illnesses, sometimes siblings. This is what teachers deal with.

I am sorry. I meant for this to be a happy story, but alas when I allow my mind to meander I do not control its path. We are currently at odds as a nation. Side against side when what we really should be doing is coming together as one to ensure that our future, our children, have what they need to grow, learn, and be successful. Perhaps if the adults of this country stopped arguing and fighting we could set a better example for our kids. I wish that we could solve all of the problems for these kids, but we cannot. So instead all I can do is pray. I pray that the children of our country and world can find at least one person to be their role model. For most kids, they can look to their parents for this, but for some it must come from outside of the house. Let each child have that teacher that brings them to love to learn.

So thank you to every adult who has in some way shape or form has helped to create the young person that shares our house. Thank you to those who teach, those who care, those who take their time to just talk with her. I now hope and wish that each and every one of us can do the same for other kids. Let’s out our energy into the future. Let us all be teachers in one way or another.

 

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Thank You.

Posted on March 16, 2016 by Bob Martin

Thank You Wooden Letterpress ConceptThank you. Two simple words that can change so much. As so many of the people I have friended on Facebook have mentioned, it is getting disheartening to see so much anger going on in our country. I have witnessed people with whom I have worked arguing back and forth about candidates, political parties, and the state of this nation. Watch any news show and you will see people spouting nasty comments back and forth. Walk down the street and look at the faces of those you pass. It seems like hope is gone. But two words, while they will not solve the nation’s problems, can make a difference and change attitudes if only for a moment.

My mom brought me up right, I try to say please, thank you, and you’re welcome. I am in no way perfect in remembering to always say these kind words, but I try. My wife and I also try to make sure our daughter grows knowing that manners matter. It is funny to hear her comment when people ignore her manners and do not respond in any way. When we talk about it, we mention that the person may have a lot on their mind, or perhaps having a bad day. She accepts it. I fear though that she may stop using these words due to a lack of return.

Over the past week, I have been running a little experiment. I wanted to see if people smiled or changed in any way when somebody acknowledged them. I tried to find every opportunity to say any of the phrases at the start of this post, I held doors open, I smiled at people passing by, and I greeted people in the hallway. I had a hypothesis that people would in fact brighten up if somebody acknowledged them and respected them by simple manners.

Most of the time when I said, “Thank you.” People responded with, “Your welcome.” However, the thing I was not expecting was expressions I received. Some people acted as if they had never been thanked before. I loved the fact that when somebody presented me with something, an order at a restaurant, a project that I had needed or anything and they did not appear to be in a good mood, their mood changed. The welcome did not come out grumpy. The tone, body language, and expressions of the people changed.

Perhaps because I was concentrating on this, I also noticed some other things going on. I held a door open for a person and allowed them to enter before me. They just looked at me as they walked past. Yet, I could hear this same person grumble when the person behind the counter did not give them a thank you for their order. I found people who, while they would not acknowledge an act of kindness, expected all others to do it.

I found it funny because on the way home, the local talk show host was complaining about going into Starbucks and having the baristas watch him put a tip in the jar. They would watch him do it and then turn their backs. He told the listeners that when this happened, he would make sure they could see him remove the tip. He said that if they could not appreciate the gesture, they didn’t deserve it. It makes me smile when I hear that others are thinking along the same lines as me.

This week also started me thinking about the scout troop I worked with in England. The lessons that we, as leaders, would work hard to instill into the boys. How many of us think of a scout walking the little old lady across the street? I remember watching as these young men took the passion of scouting to the distance. We would be fund raising in the commissary, and I would see one or more of the boys stop to carry out the groceries for a mom with a couple kids in tow. I would witness our scouts helping out the community as each and every Eagle project would improve playgrounds, walk ways, nature centers, and more.

So this takes me back to my experiment. I found that such little words can have a big impact. More importantly, it changed my attitude. I had to work really hard to make sure I followed through. I had to remember as I was walking down the street to stop looking at my phone. I had to look up to make sure I was greeting people. I remember seeing a man coming down the street. Normally, I would avoid eye contact and look down. I looked at him and noticed his hat stated this person was a Vietnam Vet. As we approached I called out, “Thank you for your service.” He responded with a compliment about my shirt. We both had smiles.

Now that I am done experimenting, I am going to work to make this my norm. I may be naïve in this, but I want to challenge others to do the same. What if we all stopped yelling at each other and treated each other with respect? What if we great each other as we pass? I know that this will not stop the problems of our country, but maybe we can discuss without yelling.

So who is with me? Who is willing to take part in bring calmness, respect, and peace? Go ahead and share and challenge your friends. Let’s take this country to a better place. Let’s start being better.

Thank you for meandering with me today.Thank you kid hand sign language on white background

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What Makes a Relationship?

Posted on March 14, 2016 by Bob Martin

Lonely woman watching sunset alone in winterWriters write no matter what. The words are pounding away in our heads demanding that you let them out and put them to paper – or keyboard. Last week and then the weekend were jam-packed full of conferences, teaching, preparing for state testing, two variety shows, and a full day retreat with ninth grade students. Today I went into work early so that I could have the peace of the empty office to get caught up – didn’t happen. However, all day long the topic for tonight kept demanding to come out. So tonight I am tired, but the words want to come out, so I will let them.

This topic comes from a couple of talks that I had over the weekend with some young people. I found it interesting that the teens and young adults of today struggle with the same problems that were around during my young years. In a way, I believe their stress, for this subject, may even be at a higher level. There is no way that I would want to go through these problems again. Yet, many adults have the same issues and pain.

I listened as young people started sharing about relationships and what it is like to date and then break-up. It saddened me to hear how much they felt as if they had to be in a relationship. They were willing to stay with another person due to the fear of being alone, a third wheel, the ugly duckling, the odd person out. Some even mentioned that they were thinking of moving forward in a relationship just to keep the other half.

I felt pain for these young people and their struggles. We started talking about relationships and what it takes to have a successful one. Now I do not claim to be an expert. I didn’t find a successful relationship until I was in my 40s. The one thing I could talk to them about was loving and being happy with one’s self. To me, this is needed before one can even think about trying to be with another.

I asked the teens how many of them like themselves. My heart dropped. I saw eyes hit the ground. I saw nervous smiles and soft giggles. I saw hands half-heartedly raised. I saw few, very few, who could confidently state that they liked themselves. Those teens became the models. How was it that they could love themselves and be willing to share that? Of course the first answer that normally comes with that question is that they were taught it at home. Yes, how a child is taught to think of themselves starts at home, but so much of it comes from their peers. In my years of teaching, I have watched confident students lose that confidence due to comments from adults, mentors, best friends. I have tried to let the students know that those comments can come from jealousy and a want to tear down another. I have also seen young adults try to put their own insecurities onto their partner. The worst part is when the other person accepts those insecurities and claims them for their own.

Regardless of how a person loses, or never even has, confidence, our group talked about the fact that confidence in one’s self helps with how you deal with others. Now confidence is great, but one can still like themselves with even a little bit of confidence. They must also like who they are and where they are going. It reminded me a lot of the post from a few days ago where the question was, “Do you know where you’re going to.” We talked about how if you don’t know where you are going then how can you ask another person along for the ride. All too often, over the last 30+ years of working with young people, I hear how they are looking for somebody to complete them. They want somebody to make them feel good. They want somebody to give their love to. They need a passenger or, worse, a driver. We talk about how some of the best rides are alone with the windows open and the road just passing by. You need to be comfortable in the car alone before you can enjoy it with somebody else.

The last thing we talked about was how it is okay to be alone. Some people have a fear of being with a lot of people, ahem finger pointing at myself, but some people cannot stand being alone for more than a short period of time. The need something or someone to fill the time. I have dated people in the past who expected me to spend 100% of my non-work time with them. While I like the person, I could not see any way that I would be able to do that. As a matter of fact, that is one thing that I love about my wife and me. We can be without each other. Yes, it makes it that much better when we get back together, but it is okay to spend a day or, if traveling, more away from each other. That is our time to grow on our own.

That last part is the key. People must be able to always grow on their own. You cannot depend on others to make you mature and learn. I challenged the students to spend time on their own.

I started by saying that we struggled with these things when we were growing up. I guess we all struggled at different levels. My wanting to date somebody in high school had more to do with the fact that everybody else had somebody they were dating. I wanted to feel like I belonged and was not weird. In the end, it was neither fair to me nor the person I dated.

Fortunately, I grew. It probably helped that I traveled around the world. My life was so busy, I stopped looking for somebody and just started enjoying life. If I found somebody, then I would have a partner to enjoy in my happiness. I would have someone with whom I could share my life while they shared theirs.

Now I don’t want to make it sound like young people should not date. I know some people who feel that teens should wait until in their 20s when they are able to be serious and find a spouse. I get that for which they are hoping. However, I believe that those awkward teen years of dating provide a great learning experience. They learn to communicate, they learn what they are looking for in another, they learn what it means to have to think of someone else just as much as themselves.

I would like to say that everyone learns to be their own best friend and grow. However, I know a number of adults that are always looking for that person to complete themselves. They do not want to recognize that they are complete on their own. They should be looking for a person to share that complete life. I have watched as they jump from relationship to relationship giving no time to reflect when one ends. I have seen them suffer both in bad relationships and in never learning just how great of a person they are. Some of the people I look up to the most are those who are so okay with who they are, it doesn’t matter what others think. If and when they find somebody, they will be ready. Until then….watch out life.

I hope that I keep all of these thoughts when our daughter reaches dating age – you know when she hits 30. I am sure whether this blog is still around or not, these words will come back to me.

Here is hoping that all of you love being with yourself. Thank you for meandering with me today.

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Do You Know Where You’re Going To?

Posted on March 13, 2016 by Bob Martin

Fall scenic road in Sweden“Do you know where you’re going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you?” These two questions start off a song that came out originally in 1973 when I was 8 years-old and then again by Diana Ross two years later. Yesterday, while driving with our daughter the song came on the radio. Thinking it might be too mellow for a young person I went to change the station to a faster beat. She asked me to go back because she like that song. I wondered as we both listened to the music if this song would come back to her time and time again like it has for me. I then thought about how music affects us and changes as we do.

As a child, I can remember this song playing often on the radio – after all, it did reach the number 1 spot on the weekly top songs list. I would listen to the words and wonder. I can remember how sad it must be to reach adulthood and look back on life wondering whether or not you have done what you wanted to do. I worried what my life would be like once I became an adult. Would I constantly be looking back on my life asking myself do I like what my life has become? It probably didn’t help that a line near the end of the song even states:

Why must we wait so long

Before we’ll see

How sad the answers

To those questions can be

I can remember looking at my parents wondering if the life our family was actually not what they wanted. Did they have different dreams when they were growing up? Were their dreams that all they did was look back to find there were “no open doors”? I would sit in the car listening to this song looking at the back of my parents feeling sorry. I started looking at other adults as they would pass through my life wondering. Why? If so many people lost their dreams, why or what can keep them moving forward.

During my teens into my twenties, the song would continuously pop up on the radio – okay now it was on the oldies station. I had a little better of an understanding of the adults in my life. I could not claim that I totally understood their lives, but through conversations, I had gained some insight. I also started to understand this song a little more. My father may have been one of the best people to start explaining the lyrics. While we did not discuss this song specifically, we discussed life – his.

Through our talks, I learned that it is okay to find closed doors behind you for that is your past. You cannot go into your past. My dad made me understand that it is fine to look through the windows to see your memories, but to be able to go back through the doors of time. Those who keep going back through those doors can never move forward. He also gave me an understanding that the dreams and ambitions that one has as a young person changes. Our hopes for the future go based on what is now. We meet people, our responsibilities change, we lose people, we continue on, and with all of those our hopes and dreams change. My dad taught me that it is not a sign of failure to change your plans; it is a sign of maturing.

Like every other teen, I spent those years plotting and planning where my life was going to go. I can distinctly remember planning with one of my best friends how we were going to both be famous. He would gain fame through his trumpet playing and music he would write (He was going to be Chris Botti before Chris Botti was). I was going to be a famous actor. At one point, we both even designed our homes with music studios and home theaters. We mapped out how large our families would be and the fact that the two families would be together as friends forever. Later my dreams turned towards veterinary medicine, then teaching, then writing, and then….well the list has many entries. All in all, my dreams always included a loving wife and family.

During my thirties, while in England, I would continue to hear this song. It seemed as if this one song followed me as my life moved along. I know that other songs from my childhood still play on the radio, but this song haunted me. Perhaps it was the music, maybe the words, or a combination of those with my relationship that had grown with it. While I enjoyed that time of my life, I could not help but let those words sink in every time it played.

Now looking back at all we’ve planned

We let so many dreams

Just slip through our hands

I worried that I had indeed let those dreams slip through my hands. I saw a life where I would not see the prospect of a family. I grew and knew that my childhood fantasies would not take root. The weird thing about was that the only time I felt this sadness was when this song would play. The words would sink in and I would feel as if I let myself down. I felt as if times I was pounding on those doors behind me to try and open them once again. The only thing that made me feel better is to think back on the conversations with my dad.

As I grew, I started to understand this song (at least my version). It asks five times if you know where you’re going. I started to get the fact that it was asking that question because most people have no idea where they are going. Life doesn’t allow for most people to truly plot out their lives.

So now, I am older. I sit with our daughter and the song plays on the radio. I look back on my life and see that the dreams and fantasies have both come to fruition and not taken root. I actually did try acting, I am in education, and I write. More importantly, I do have a loving wife and child. We are a family. Yet, just the same, I do not know where I am going to, but I do like the things that life has shown me. Life showed me that I needed to get out of my own way. The lyrics are right, there are sad answers in life, but not all of the answers are sad. The song still haunts me as each time I hear it, I cannot help but stop and reflect.

Now, though, I hear our daughter in the back seat humming along to the song. Does she hear the words? Does she wonder where she is going to? What are her dreams and fantasies, and will life give her sad or happy answers? I don’t know. I do know that I cannot plan out her life. I will have to let her make her own plans, find love, find joy, find pain, find happiness, find sorrow, find life. I can only hope and pray that when she is my age that she can say yes. Yes, she knows where she is going, and Yes, she likes what life is showing her.

How about you? Do you know where you are going?

Thank you for meandering with me today.

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America Has A Bright Future

Posted on March 11, 2016 by Bob Martin

Interracial primary classroom learning to use laptop with theirWhat an incredible day. Once again the day started with listening to news about how the country and world are slipping down a very deep abyss. I heard about leaders or those wanting to be leaders and how they spoke of each other and those supporting the opponents. Five o’clock is a little early to start thinking that the planet is going to hell in a hand basket. Then the rest of my day happened and the youth of our country made me realize that how good the world could be if we followed their examples.

I find it interesting to hear how many people, both with who I work and those I know in other means, all complain about the length of this week. It seemed that everybody was suffering long-weekitis. I know that between teaching at a conference for the first two days and then playing catch up, I could not wait for Friday. That was until I remembered that Friday meant starting at 6 a.m. and going through the work day teaching fourth graders and ending at our daughter’s school’s variety show as a green room chaperone. Hmmmm. Could I go back to Monday? I will admit that the lady at McDonald’s not understanding what I meant when I asked for an Egg McMuffin without ham, I feared that that day would go downhill quickly.

It is funny how fast one’s mood can change. Upon arriving at the site for our tech day, I started feeling better about things. The set-up went well and without a hitch. However, in checking my phone, I still saw how much people were tearing each other down. I turned the phone off.

Once the students started to arrive, I watched as one fact after another came into the auditorium. They had no idea what the day would offer, but the excitement to learn filled the air. These students wanted to be able to walk out at the end of the day having learned something new and exciting. Considering that the theme was STEAM, I felt assured that they would leave smarter than they entered.

For the next six hours, I spent hour after hour teaching students how to create a stop motion movie using iPads. We talked about how film worked in the “old days”, and how projectors worked. I realized I was teaching about something most of them would never see such things. We talked about what steps were needed to do their project, and then we let them free. Free to imagine. Free to create. Free to be. With each passing hour, I felt better about our country. How?

I watched these young people work together. I listened to them talk about their dreams. I saw their ability to work through problems – both problems with the project and problems with each other. These young people did not stop trying. They did not blame each other for problems. They did not let the problems grow. They figured out how to solve and resolve.

I will admit that I did not hear any resolutions to the problems of our world. I did not hear one child speak about which presidential candidate was going to take our country and make it whole again. I did not hear about how to end poverty. I did hear that the young people have ambitions and plans for the future. More importantly, I saw our young men and women showing that they do have the ability to do what adults do not – work together. Now the question is how do we keep them going without losing that ability.

I would like to say that my day ended there, but I cannot. My work day ended working with teachers. Again, what a great feeling that was. These teachers want to make a difference and are willing to go the extra mile to make sure they do.

Finally, I spent three hours in a room with five other adults and 35 elementary students. Our daughter’s school’s variety show needed parent volunteers. My wife and I decided to be green room  we played musical chairs and Simon Says.

These young people left the room ready to perform. They came back seasoned performers. We asked how they did. Some admitted to mistakes, but none we disappointed in the fact that they went out and tried. For some of them, this was totally outside of their comfort zone, but they did it.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about why America is great. After working with these young people today, I am happy to say that not only is our country great today, it will continue to be so in the years to come. So thank you to these young people that erased all the darkness of the world today. Thank you for making me believe that you are better than the adults who lead you. Thank you for making me look for to tomorrow.

And thank you dear reader for meandering with me today.

 

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Character Check

Posted on March 10, 2016 by Bob Martin

Intersection with the traffic light in Hannover at eveningWhen I was a Scoutmaster in England and then an Assistant Scoutmaster in Burbank, I used to look forward to a segment at the end of the weekly meetings titled, Scoutmaster Minute. A true scout meeting is run by the boys. The leaders are there to guide, mentor, and to make sure the building is still standing when the scouts are done. However, this segment belonged to a leader (it didn’t always have to be the Scoutmaster). This section is a time for the leader to share with the boys a story, thoughts, or experiences in order to teach some part of scouting. My favorite was when I talked to the boys about character. As a scoutmaster and teacher, I feel that this is a trait that we must help young people to grow.

I would always let the boys know that character was one area in which they had the most control. This was the area in which they chose who and how they would be. For character isn’t how you act when others around as much as how you act when nobody is watching.

As part of my minute (okay, I keep saying minute and they were never that short), I would bring up a four-way intersection. A driver pulls up to this intersection at four in the morning; he has a red light. He looks around in all directions and saw no other cars. He waits 30 seconds and the light remains red. What does he do? Many of the boys said they would break the law and go. Others said they would stay, but only due to fear that there may be a police officer hiding somewhere. Some stated that they would wait since that is the expectation. I have some state that this is not a fair scenario since I set it up to be four in the morning and nobody is around. I would respond that that is when character is the most visible.

I also use a set-up of the scouts walking a trail and finding a wallet full of money. I do not mention if anyone else is around. They ask that question first. I tell them that they are alone. I like this scenario because it is more likely to happen to the boys. I allow them to discuss the ups and downs of each. Most of the boys due come to the conclusion that they would return the wallet intact. Some state that it is the right thing to do. Others say that they would want somebody to be honest if the scout’s wallet had been lost. I think there are some who want to keep it, but are afraid to say it aloud.

So why am I thinking about character today. I know that the character of a child is developed at home first. Parents, through example not words, help a young person shape this important trait. However, it soon has outside forces impacting on the way a person’s character changes. They learn from other parents, relatives, teachers, principals, adults in their lives, and adults they see. Each of those groups has good examples and bad examples of people with character. The input is constantly coming in their direction and children must learn early on which to accept and which to deflect.

I guess in a way this is where I miss days of past. While we have always had good people and bad people, young people have never had them thrown in their face as much as today. With the 24/7 media going on, we constantly are being shown the bad that goes on in the world. Movies and television shows show how those doing wrong can profit more than those doing things the right way. Then we have our political leaders. It has almost gotten to a point that we glorify those who do wrong and shun those who do right.

I know that it is up to the parents to ensure that what their children watch is appropriate. However, with technology everywhere, this becomes difficult. One cannot even go into Wendy’s, McDonalds, or even better restaurants without televisions being right there. Parents cannot control that.   

The thing I find most interesting is that with all of this available to young people, with society praising people without character (watch people at the political rallies), with our children being filled without examples of those lacking this trait, how is it that we can complain about the young people in our country not having good character? We are getting what we grow.

It is funny because when I have these things popping in my head, I start looking into my own life. I start wondering about where I stand. I find that while I try to be a good example, I slip. I start wondering about those choices I make when others don’t know. Do I actually give me all to what I am doing? Do I find a way to justify checking social media during the work day? Do I make promises that I cannot or do not want to keep? How is my character? These questions make me wonder if I am holding our leaders to a different standard. It is through thinking and writing this piece that I come to understand. We need to live to the same level that we expect of our leaders. How can I ask them to set the example for my child when I don’t always set the example? So this is a wake call for me, I will strive to live to the same level of character as I expect those leading our country and world.

Thank you for meandering with me today.

 

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Silence

Posted on March 8, 2016 by Bob Martin

Steine im Wasser 3I wrote a while ago about what it is like to grow up in a small town. It is a memory I hold dear to me and will until I no longer walk this earth. However, this morning I believe I finally figured out why, for me, a small town was such a great place. It was due to the lack of sound.

There are all types of people in this world, and each one is truly unique. Just the same, people hold certain things in common. Where we live is one such trait. Some people love the hustle and bustle of the city. Some want quiet and serenity and go as rural as possible. Then you have the others who are in between and live in the suburbs. For me, I live somewhere between a city and suburb. While it has much to offer, the one thing that I struggle to find is silence. I had that living outside of our village. The silence was amazing and something that I think many of us are missing.

I did not realize how much I was missing this silence until this morning. I am going to share my experiences. Some of you may already have found ways to get that silence, and I would love to hear what you do. For me, I didn’t know that I did not have the silence until I tripped upon it in my own house this morning. Once I found it, I started wondering why is it that so many of us try to avoid it.

This morning, I woke up at 4:30 am. This is not all that different than most of my weekday mornings. I normally get up early so I can either work, read, or exercise (yeah right). I am a creature of habit, so each morning, after closing the bedroom doors, I turn on the television to see what happened while I was sleeping or to catch up on a taped show. If I am going out for a walk, I grab my ear buds and turn on the music while I walk around the neighborhood. If I am going to write, I will either have the TV on or music or both. I constantly have sound going on around me. Even on the weekends when cleaning, we have music going on in the background, and were we live, the sound of fire sirens or police are an all too regular occurrence. But today was different.

I woke this morning and reached for the remote. I pointed at the television and stopped. I paused for a moment to take in just how quiet was the house. My wife and daughter were both asleep, and with their doors closed I could not even hear the rhythmic breathing coming from the room. The cat curled up in a corner shortly after she walked out of the room with me. No sirens. No outside noises. The only sound was the ticking of a cuckoo clock. Even that seemed muted in the quiet. I put the remote down and just sat. I didn’t even turn on the light. I just sat there in the dark, and I visited with an old friend – silence.

At first, I didn’t like the visit. I have often spoke to my confirmation students about taking time to sit in silence. I tell them that this is not a time to pray, for we all know how to do that, but just to sit in silence. They complain that this is difficult. They cannot shut off their thoughts, and they end up sitting thinking about things that they need to do, people to call, what is for dinner, and other items on their agenda. Students tell me that it is impossible to do. This morning as I sat down in the dark, quiet room, I too fought with those issues.

Today, I did something different then in the past. I did not fight those thoughts. They ran through my head and I acknowledged each one and let it go. I let the checklist of the day go by. I passed by the thought of the drive ahead. I agreed with the thought of worrying about getting everything I needed to do, done. Then I found the part that the students didn’t like. I think in the past I always worried about the first thoughts that came up so much, I never reached this point.

Once I let the, what might be called, trivial items go by then my thoughts turned towards my actions of late. How I have treated colleagues in all situations, how I treat my family, my thoughts towards others, how I have been treating myself. I think this is where my students struggle with silence. There is nothing to drown these out when you have no outside stimuli coming in. While I try very hard to be a good person, I slip, I falter, I fail. My thoughts reminded me of each and every one. I wanted to jump up. I reached for the remote. I longed for some sound to break me from this world. Silence was no longer my friend.

I did not want to sit there anymore. What a horrible way to start the day. Then I allowed it to happen. I started to acknowledge each of these just as I had with the first set of thoughts. I noted the people I had wronged. I saw the people I had let down. I saw that I was not treating myself as good as I should. Just as with the first group, once each thought had its turn it disappeared. I knew that they would return, but for now they would no longer haunt me.

Finally, silence and I could be together like we have not been for a long time. I felt it waft over me slowly taking over my mind and being. I felt a peace like I have not felt since I was a kid. I transported back to the same feeling I would have sitting in my backyard especially at night. I would just lay on the grass and let go. I went there today. I let go. My second alarm on my phone went off telling me it was time to get ready. I wanted to ignore it. I did not want to say good bye to my old friend. We had just gotten back together. I decided good-bye would not be the way, I would visit with this friend more and more. I stood up feeling better about the day. I had optimism abound on the events of the day. I was freed from the thoughts that were holding me back. I also knew that I had work to do, I did not want those thoughts to return the next time I try to visit with my old friend.

In today’s world, we keep a fast pace. We are always looking for stimuli of some sort or another. We try very hard not to be with silence. It does not help that every time we turn around, we are offered another product to give us just such a stimuli going and silence at bay. It is a shame. Perhaps it is not so much that people don’t want the silence, but more that they are afraid of the trip to get there. They do not want to be left alone with their own thoughts. They have fear as to what silence will really be like.

I think the greatest experience I ever had with silence came while sky diving. At 4000 feet, there is no sound – no birds, no sirens, no….nothing. You get to listen to nothing. While we cannot all jump out of a plane, perhaps if we all visited with silence a little more often it would help. I am not saying to go off the grid and stop using technology and such. However, what would happen if we all took a little time each day to set it all aside and find…nothing?

Final note for today. I found it interesting that while typing I had a strong urge to turn on my music. I always do that while writing. Today, I stopped. The only sound while writing was the keys on the keyboard. What a great sound.

Thank you for meandering with me today,

Steine im Wasser 3 

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My Water Broke!!!!

Posted on March 6, 2016 by Bob Martin

giving birthI am sorry if this post is later than usual. I had to get my heart restarted after this afternoon. Now, please before my inbox fills up the first comment is metaphorical not literal. However, after our daughter’s comments this afternoon, I am surprised that it is not both. In the end, as with the rest of this past week, it all comes down to lessons learned. I learned today.

My brother-in-law came up to celebrate his birthday with us. We had a great breakfast and were just sitting around talking. Our daughter becoming bored with adult talk started playing around. She started bringing out stuffed animal after stuffed animal. Each one has a unique name and place in her little family.

Next came our cat in the stroller. This cat has to be one of the mellowest animals I have ever seen. It sits in the stroller and gets pushed around. She will even wear sunglasses on certain days. The cat soon had friends in the stroller. She didn’t care as long as she got her ride. Before we knew it, we each had a family member sitting with us – we were charged with its care. Then it happened.

Our daughter ran into her bedroom, giggling all the way. A few seconds later, out comes this little eight year old with a bump under her dress. “I’m pregnant!” came the gleeful voice. Her uncle started laughing – yeah thanks for that encouragement. She walked around patting her belly. She sat on the couch. Two minutes later, she jumps up screaming, “My water broke!” Out she ran. From her bedroom, we heard a couple screams of pain. She then re-enters the room holding a new stuffed animal. “I had my baby.” Her face was all smiles. She then introduced her new baby to all of us. My heart was no longer beating.

Once I regained my composure, I saw the humor and posted about it on Facebook. Currently more than 50 people have also found humor in it. Some made comments about how fast she is growing up, others aimed their thoughts at me being a Grandpa.

Now before I talk about the lessons, I want to state that yes, she probably learned this from television. We were watching a tweeners movie that had a nice message to it this morning. However, in the movie, the aunt had a similar event occur while at the Eiffel Tower. It is a natural part of life, and we are okay with the fact that she has an introduction to what goes on with birth.

So what could this possibly teach me in the lessons of life? Well the first lesson is – I AM NOT READY TO BE A GRANDFATHER! My age is that of a grandpa and I get that. However, even though I have been asked if I am one, I am still just learning to be a dad. After tonight’s homework session, I am not even sure I am doing such a great job at that. It did, though, make look into the future. I learned that I need to do whatever it takes to be here when the real event happens. I have written in the past about my want to get in shape. I have struggled at this of late. Today came more as a message that this will happen one day, but I need to change my habits if I want to witness it – okay, I don’t want to witness the water breaking.

The other lesson that came to me is how, even though we try to block certain things from our daughter, life will seep in, and our daughter will learn. I know that this particular one came in via a movie we allowed her to watch. But I see that she observes anything and everything. She takes it all in.

The thing I learned is that we better make sure that we are ahead of the world. If we cannot be ahead of the world, we better be willing to explain things to her. I have heard it in the past and even said it to others, if you, as a parent, are not willing to talk with your children then somebody else will. We have already talked about today’s subject in the past. We just let this one alone. However, I need to make sure that I have open-ended questions ready when the next play issue comes up. My wife and I better be prepared to answer her questions no matter how much we want to avoid the topic. We don’t have to go deep, but at least enough to let her know she can talk to us at any time.

So now it is time to go put the grand baby to bed. Thank you for meandering with me tonight.

 

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Life Lessons from the AF

Posted on March 5, 2016 by Bob Martin
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Photo courtesy Erik Nilsen

For many nights this week, I have talked about different lessons I learned through many members of my family. Tonight, I will be talking about my other family – my military family. If you have never been in the military, don’t worry, these are lessons that will hopefully bring a smile to anybody’s face. I spent just under ten years wearing the uniform. While I enjoyed my time, I enjoyed the people even more. I made friends with whom I know I will be friends for the rest of my life. Just the same, sometimes things happened with these brothers and sisters in arms that last for a life time.

The first lesson I learned was to always know where your belongings are and to keep your bags closed. Our job included flying – quite a bit actually. A number of people would say that a bad day flying was better than a good day in the office. I loved being on the plane. Believe it or not, the more turbulence we encountered the more I enjoyed the flight. I can still remember my first flight when we dove and since I was standing, I rose. Our time in the air included air refueling. Now for those who have never had the pleasure of sitting on a plane being refueled at 25,000+ than you are missing out on a fun ride. You need to realize that all of the jet stream for the refueler is going down the sides of our plane. I used to think of it as a Ferris wheel in mid-air. Most flyers did not have a problem with this. New flyers…….well some of them did.

I can remember flying one night. The person next to me had a trainee with him. It was a very bumpy flight. I can remember talking to Jeff over the headsets with his trainee listening in. The bumpier it became, the more we talked about things like sardines, eating things like rotten food, and… well you get the drift. I believe one of us opened up our dinner about that time as well. I loved to bring curry dishes from the local restaurant when I flew. The conversation, the smell of the food, and the rocking of the plane did its job on the newbie. Jeff paid the price.

When we flew, we carried our helmets in a bag. We stored them next to us on the floor. Some people, like Jeff, allowed his bag to do double duty. It carried both his helmet and lunch. In Jeff’s bag was an open bag of chips, a can of soda, and other items. Most people, if they were going to lose their lunch would throw off their headsets and run for the bathroom. I guess Jeff forgot to tell his trainee about this. Before we even knew what was happening, he bent over, 90 degrees, between our seats and reached for the first thing he could find – Jeff’s helmet bag. The next thing you knew, the bag had additional weight.

We quickly zipped the bag until the newbie could take in the bag and dump the contents. In the end, I had to give Jeff a ride home with the bag in tow. We learned that if we were going to do such things to have better control of our own property.

The second lesson was that not good deed goes unpunished – or watch how fast your friends can run. Our job had us staying in Riyadh quite often. When the end of our deployment came, the flight out could not come fast enough. For this particular trip, our departure was late at night. The departing crew was all packed and just waiting for the bus to the air terminal. We were bored.

Our housing was outside of Riyadh in a village that had originally been built for the Bedouins who later decided they didn’t like it. Our people were spread throughout the different villas. I called a couple of them to see what they were doing. Since I lived near the villa were the mini-busses were parked, my friends asked me to come get them. What the heck, why not.

I walked next door and retrieved the keys. I headed off to pick-up my buddy. Along the way, I saw others who were flying out that night. They flagged me down and asked me to swing back by to pick them up. They would grabbed their bags and be outside waiting. I ended up driving around and picking them all up. We headed back to the bus parking area to get the sergeant who would be driving us out to the base.

We pulled up and parked. As we disembarked, the mood was light – we were leaving shortly. The next thing we knew this deep, booming, bass voice came out of nowhere, “Who the hell took this bus?” We turned to see that the MSgt in charge of the busses had come out of his villa. I looked as he stood close to me arms crossed. This man was scary. He worked out. I truly believe that he lived in the gym. His biceps were two of my thighs. “I asked who the HELL took my bus?” I turned to my friends for a little bit of support. Nothing. And by nothing, I do not mean no support, I mean there was nobody next to me. All of my “friends” had vanished in less than a second. So there I stood all by myself hearing in many terms that I will not write here about his rules for the busses. Somehow I felt like all the other people in the world had vanished. That night I learned that when your friends can stay out of trouble – they will.

The final lesson is that jokes can backfire and backfire quickly. At one point, we left the Riyadh area and moved into the desert. We moved into an area with no buildings so tent city became our home. At first this was a cool place to live since we really had a chance to live without all of the rules. However, after the upper officers moved in the rules came back. Every Tuesday seemed to bring a whole new slew of rules. This would have been okay had they made sense, but many of the rules that came down seemed to have been made just because they could.

A few of us led by a gentlemen named Kenny started playing with peoples’ minds. We would work on rules and then talk loudly about them in places like the chow hall. It was amazing to see just how fast the rumors would get around. But, one day it almost came back to bite us.

Our showers were supplied with water by huge bladders outside. Water was trucked in and used to fill these bladders. In the summer, due to the heat, hot showers were common since the black bladders would absorb the heat all day long. Kenny, a couple of others, and I decided to play with shower rules. The idea was that a low ranking airman would be stationed with a clip board inside the shower tent. The clipboard would have one stopwatch for each shower. The airman would time each person and the amount of water used. At ten minutes, the airman would tell you that your shower was done. Each group of tents would have a SSgt just in case an airman needed support. We went through our normal louder than normal talk around the unsuspecting. We could see the whispers.

Then a day or two later, I was driving one of the busses, yes the same bus, out to pick up the crew that was returning. Our lieutenant decided to ride out with me and another SSgt to pick up the crew. On the way out, he started to mention the new rules. He then brought up that at the base commanders meeting, somebody brought up that they had heard the shower rule. Nobody knew anything about it, but then, apparently, thought that it was a good idea and started to discuss its possibilities. Kenny and the rest of us realized that we may have really messed this up. Fortunately in the end, the rule never took. We were allowed to shower as long as needed. We did learn though that one must be cautious when playing with the minds of those who make the rules. We wanted to show them how silly they were, but in the end we almost lost the freedom of long showers.

Someday I will describe the toilets in tent city, but that is another story. Thank you for meandering with me tonight.

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Pure Love as Taught by a Mom

Posted on March 4, 2016 by Bob Martin

12809765_1254143464603101_3643748395282162908_nI started writing one post tonight on lessons learned with my military family. While typing away with some funny stories, my computer chimed. Somebody I follow had posted to Facebook. Being the self-diagnosed ADD adult that I am, squirrel, I immediately had to check. My niece had posted pictures as she and my mom end their trip to Hawaii. The pictures included a flight they took on a helicopter. They flew around the Big Island to get an aerial view. The pictures are amazing. I moved from one to the next, but had to stop on one. I looked at my mom. The theme of this tonight’s post changed.

The picture shows my mom smiling. I saw my mom happy. I felt more than happiness. I cannot describe the emotions that flowed through my soul tonight. I saw my mom like I haven’t seen her in a while. I believe I saw peace in her face. I saw what I have not seen for a long time.

I have mentioned that my father passed quite a while ago – June 1980. On the day he passed, my mother became a single mom to four, almost grown, boys. She took on a role that so many others have had to do before that day, and so many more since. We were not young children. We were all in our teens, and my oldest brother was about to graduate from high school. I guess that was a blessing. Like so many others, she took on the role. However, just because others have done it doesn’t make it any easier for anybody entering into this type of life.

From that day forward, my mom has taught me that you must continue. She could easily have given up. As a mid-teen, I watched her as she planned and moved us through the funeral services. She went back to work. She made us all continue. I cannot say that I would be in the same place today had my father not passed, but I can say that I am who I am because of the support and love of this woman.

However, on that day she did not just lose a husband – she lost her love. On a number of occasions I have asked her why she never bothered to date again. Why she never looked for another person with whom to share her life. At first, she always said she couldn’t because she had to take care of us. She had to get us into being adults. Then she stated that due to my brother having handicaps that she must always take care of him. Finally, finally, one day she shared. She told me that she could never love another the way that she loved my father. She quietly said that once you have found the perfect love, you can never find it again. She let me know that my father still filled so much of her heart that she had none to share with another.

Since my dad’s passing, I have seen my mom laugh. I have seen her smile and joke. I have seen happiness on the outside. But through it all, I have never seen true happiness. That, from what I can see in the photo, changed today.

This year my mom and niece have taken two trips. The first was to Europe. She wanted to see Poland, the land of her ancestors. She wanted to go back to London to revisit the places I had taken her a number of times when she had come to visit with me. This trip was the trip that she wanted to take. She visited two countries that had been on her list for years. She had ten days to enjoy sights that she chose. She took the trip that fulfilled a want for her. With the photos from that trip, I saw that she enjoyed herself. She walked the streets that her family had walked. She saw her home. While in England, the pictures showed happiness as she relived memories that she had created. This trip was all about her.

This week, the two travelers took off for Hawaii. My sister-in-law graciously played host and tour guide. They enjoyed five days in paradise. This trip was not like the Europe trip for this was the trip for my parents. When I was little, our parents always told us that they were going to go to Hawaii to celebrate their 25th anniversary. We heard how they would go by themselves to celebrate their marriage. We knew that this was to be the big trip for them. My father passed less than a month after 19. The trip never happened until this week.

We may have purchased two airline tickets for this trip, but three people went. I can tell from conversations with mom that my dad was there as well. Her voice said more than her words would ever speak. I could tell that he was next to her every step she took while on the islands. I could tell that they were together this week. Seeing the photo, I could see it. The two of them were enjoying their time together.

So tonight, the lessons come from my mom – a beautiful woman. She taught me to continue on no matter what happens. She taught me not to feel sorry for myself. She taught me to love and to love complete. My mom taught me that love goes beyond the earthly bonds. Because of this woman, my wife knows that I will love her today, tomorrow, and forever. My mom taught me so much that I can never repay her for it. I learned how to find peace.

Thank you for meandering with me.

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