Nana and Great-Granddaughter Lessons

Posted on March 3, 2016 by Bob Martin

Herzen in den Himmel haltenI must say that I have enjoyed the last few nights as I have typed life lessons that my nana taught me. I really enjoy sharing her with you all. It seems that sharing these stories has been very medicinal for me as well. I lose my stress while letting you know what she taught me. I also think it has brought a peace to me as well as it brings me back to my basic way of thinking. I must say that I feel as if I have done a disservice to my parents. They also taught me many lessons, and as time goes on, I promise to share those as well. However, tonight will be a combination of Nana and our daughter. The older generation and the youngest generation – both have so much to give.

Nana taught me in the past, and my daughter continues to teach/remind me every day of the first lesson. No matter how big your problems are, there are other people suffering more. Neither ladies taught me this in words, but in actions. They both showed me that we just need to look around and see what else is happening in the world. You must have both your eyes and heart open in order to do this properly.

Nana spent the last years of her life going through the different stages of cancer. I can still remember standing in the kitchen when my mom shared the news with me. I didn’t know how to take it. While cancer is still an evil disease, in the 80’s I didn’t know many people who suffered the wrath of this life taker. Those I did know had either already passed or would shortly. The survival rate was nothing close to what we have today. In my mind, I had lost her right then and there.

The only thing was that somebody forgot to tell Nana the above facts. She did not give up, and, while suffering through many years, continued to fight until she could fight no more. She would come home to spend the time with us, and I would watch her continue as much of her normal life as the disease would allow. She would not let people feel sorry for her. I could see the pain at different times, but did not dare to talk about it. The hardest was her final Christmas with us. She could not do very much. She needed help to just get up off the couch. By this time, Nana had become dependent on others. One could look at her and think that her problems far outweighed anybody else at that point.

I can remember sitting one night talking to her. Mom worked the night shift and had left for work. The living room was lit by the Christmas lights. We sat there and talked a little – even this took a lot of energy. I do not remember who in the family we were talking about, but she worried for them. She thought that they were going through such a hard time. She was more concerned about the other family members getting through their problems. Nana did not look at her problems as being any bigger than the others. I couldn’t figure out then how she could worry about other people while she was so close to the end. I am learning now as I grow older.

Our daughter seems to be in a different place than I was at her age. While to an adult, the problems of a child may not be that big compared to what we deal with every day, a child does not see it that way. As a matter of fact, having been working with kids for 30+ years, I have seen so many children with problems that dwarf mine in every single way. Yet so many of these children, look at the problems of others and start worrying more about those people. They forget about their own problems. All too often, I will be driving to school with our daughter discussing a problem such as a child being mean or worrying about something in school when she sees a person on the street or someone in the car near us. All of a sudden her concerns are switched to whether the person has enough food or blankets, or if the other driver is sad.

Nana and our daughter, both through memories and daily occurrences, are constantly teaching me to leave my head. Worry about others. Try to help those that you can. Change the world. Our problems find a way to grow when we concentrate on them. Now I am not saying that people do not have problems. If that was the case, I would not have been sending off friends this morning to say good-bye to a loved one. I really write this tonight to remind myself in years to come when I am not so fortunate that even then there will be others suffering more than I ever will. I want to have the grace that Nana had to care about others more.

The second lesson comes from our daughter. We were talking tonight as I started to write. I told her I was writing about lessons. She informed me that the biggest lesson she could share is that you always need a buddy. A person to be there next to you when bad things happen. She told me that nobody should have to go through tough times alone. She described how her buddy swore to be by her side, and she plans to do the same.

I had to smile at this because I realize how much these two lessons go together for if you have that “buddy” then no problem cannot be faced. The buddy might not solve it for you, but he or she will sit with you while you go through whatever bad times you might have. As she was on the cusp of sleep, she asked me who my buddy was. I smiled as I patted her head and said, “Your mommy.” She smiled and drifted off to sleep. I smiled as I realized that I truly do have my buddy. She will keep me grounded at all times. She will always remind me that we can get through anything. She will remind me of the lessons of which I write tonight.

I am sorry if tonight was that light. Not all lessons bring laughs, but they do bring a smile as I look back on those that took the time and cared enough to take the time to teach me.

Thank you for meandering with me tonight.

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More Lessons From Nana

Posted on March 2, 2016 by Bob Martin

ahockeyThe last two posts have been about life lessons I have learned from different family members. I thought I would toss one more lesson out there – well maybe two. It is funny because my Nana shows up once again tonight. My older brother shows up as well, but this is not the same brother that had the Playboy magazines. This is the other one. I must admit that I cannot remember who initiated this one, but I will blame him. If you follow my page on Facebook, you will most likely see my brother claim innocence on this one – don’t believe him.

When we moved in with our Nana, we had two dogs. Our Nana had a little poodle. One of our dogs got along with the poodle, the other one – not so much. Due to this, and not wanting to lose our pet, our dad built an outside kennel complete with dog house. To this day, I always feel sorry for Scamper especially since Alfie, the poodle, had a tendency to not be so nice. This wasn’t his fault; he had been mistreated by previous owners.

Each evening, one of us would go out and feed and water Scamper. In the summer time, I would sit up on his dog house with him. The winter was not so kind to being out there with him at night. I never did understand Scamper because he liked being up on his dog house when it was cold. Just the same, this was something that one of us did nightly. Some nights we had to be pushed out the door – unless it was between Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Also in our backyard was a camping trailer. It was cool to have this in our backyard. When we had friends over in the summer, we would sleep in it. We lived in an area were kids could camp in the backyard without fear. Okay, except for the night somebody drove down the dead-end by my cousins ‘house and lit a car on fire in the field. Other than that it was a safe place. The trailer also became my safe haven to do homework, read, or just hide out. The trailer was ours to use until Thanksgiving. At Thanksgiving, the door would be locked.

Our parents used the trailer during the holidays as Santa’s storage. They not only stored our presents in there, but I believe our cousins used it as well. We knew once the door locked that good things could be found inside. We also knew enough to never try to find the key and get inside. Though I was tempted to go in through the trunk a few times. I was small enough to fit in the trunk, and the inside door could be easily popped.

One year, again I am blaming my brother, it was discovered that one of the curtains on the side opposite the house was left with a small gap. We also discovered that by standing on Scamper’s water pail, we could see inside with the help of a flashlight. So each night, my brother and I would volunteer to go take care of Scamper. We could peek inside and see if anything had been added. Since my dad worked midnights, you just never knew when my parents would go shopping.

For the most part, our detective work turned out to be a bust. Items were in boxes or bags. We could see items being added, but not much detail. That trunk started looking better and better until one night. We put the flashlight up to the window and looked. We moved it around what seemed to be a cavern the size of a football field – looking. That is when we saw it. A huge box. This one had writing on it. Air Hockey. Yes. We were getting an air hockey. Score!

I am not sure how my brother and I were able to keep the secret, but keep it we must since our lives would have surely ended it had we spilled. Christmas morning came and we rushed down the stairs. We did our normal family rituals. Please Jesus in the crib, open the stockings, attack the presents. My brother and I kept looking at each other. Presents disappeared from under the tree. No big box was in sight. The last gift was opened. We were all happy, but my brother and I looked at each other. Oh well. I guess our cousin received the Air Hockey. Okay. We would go next door in the afternoon to play.

The rest of the day moved forward like the other Christmases. My mom and Nana started working on the dinner. We were using whatever presents we had received. Both my brother and I walked into the kitchen. Nana let out a little gasp, it was an oh no type gasp. Dad and Mom both looked at her. “We forgot….”

“AIR HOCKEY” we shouted (actually I think my brother shouted it, but he will deny it so I will say we)

All three adults froze. My brother and I looked at each other … knowing. Immediately we were sent to out rooms. I can still hear my father talking to me about how we had hurt Nana. She had planned to have this big surprise for us, and between the two of us – we broke her heart. Christmas lost its joy.

Eventually we were allowed back down to join everyone else. The game had been brought in from the trailer and set up in the basement. Nana had the honors. We were forgiven.

I guess in the end there are three lessons here – 1. Don’t snoop 2. If you know a secret – shut up. 3. Forgive others. I still remember the hurt we caused that day. We never repeated that mistake again. I will say that this story actually won me a prize on the radio in the UK. The show would read out apologies to people and give the back story. Once again, I will say sorry Nana.

Thank you for meandering with me tonight.

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Beware of your Older Brother

Posted on March 1, 2016 by Bob Martin

Magazines close-upToday is Super Tuesday! Everything on television is all about the primaries and who is winning which state. So I thought, after yesterday’s post, I would continue on the light side of posting. While my Nana pops up again to visit with us tonight, she is not the star. Tonight we visit once again with my older brother with whom I went fishing. This time he taught me a different lesson. Beware of your brother.

I cannot remember the exact year that this occurred, but the fact that my dad is involved tells me that it was pre-1980. We lived in my Nana’s house, but she spent only half the year with us. The other half was spent with my Aunt. In the summer, she would get us up early to go out and weed our garden. As far as a kid goes, this was a pretty big vegetable garden. Nana raised all sorts of items, and our job was to keep it free of weeds. I can still remember throwing dirt clods at our cousins whose garden was two feet away from ours. Don’t worry – they returned fire.

Nana was extremely smart and would get us up early to work. While we could never accept her logic, it makes perfect sense now, she always told us to get it done before it became hot and then we could have the rest of the day to ourselves. This meant begging our neighbors across the street to go swimming.

On this particular day, my brothers had something going on for I remember being the only one around. As usual, I was out in the garden weeding. Okay, I was out in the garden picking clods of dirt and dropping them. I would throw some at the fence to see if I could make it through the holes in one piece. I watched insects. I, well I did everything but pull weeds.

I could hear some banging coming out of my bedroom. I knew Nana had plans to fix a problem on my bunk bed. A board had come loose or something. It could not have been that big of a deal since I was fine with it. Nana however did not want it to deteriorate any more. Bang. Bang. Bang. Then silence. I guess it wasn’t that big of a deal.

I went back to dirt toss. Next thing I know the sounds of the birds singing was shattered by Nana yelling for me. Now this was not a normal yell. All three of my names came shrieking threw the air. Every person knows that when your full name is used, you better move it….and you were in trouble. I thought fleeing and claiming ignorance, but I knew better. I booked it for my room.

I took the stairs four or five at a time. I turned the corner and flew through the door to find Nana at the head of my bed holding the mattress high off the frame. There on the slats sat a pile of magazines – Playboy Magazines. (I guess this posting is in honor of the last publication.) The look on Nana’s face was a combination of anger, sadness, disbelief, and shame. I stood mouth agape.

Before she even had the chance to ask, I pleaded innocence. I mind raced for an answer. My eyes fell on my brother’s bed and the light bulb went off. He didn’t want to get caught with the magazines so he hid them under my mattress. Fortunately, I was quickly let off the hook. My brother definitely was more likely to be the culprit in this case. I moved them out to the garage with the rest of his stash.

Since it was Nana’s house, we honored her rules. She spoke to our dad about not wanting those “rags” in her house. My father spoke with my brother with an understanding of what teen males go through. He told him to just get them out of the house. My brother promised to do just that and called a friend to see if he wanted them. The deal was made.

Either that evening or the next, we had rehearsal for our Junior Drum & Bugle Corp. We practiced in the parking lot of Bell Aerospace. The lot took up more than a block. Due to the size, the horn line, drum line, and color guard could all practice in different areas without interfering with the others. We also had enough space to mark out a football field to learn our moves. The horn line always went to the far corner to work music at the start of practice.

Our dad, being the director of the group, held meetings with officials from the Drum Corps International (DCI) organization while preparing for our home show. On this particular night, he had high-end officials there to meet and talk about how the show would happen. They walked around the practice for a little, and then they were ready to get down to business. My dad asked them to walk with him to our van so he could get his briefcase. The approached the back doors, and my dad reached for the handle. As soon as the door had the slightest of openings out they came. No longer was this a little stack of magazines. My brother had an entire box of the publication. Out they all came, out from the van, out from the box, and all around my dad’s feet. There he stood with the officials from DCI looking down at the pavement.

Now earlier I mentioned how loud Nana yelled when she first found these magazines. My father’s yell made hers sound like a whisper. He didn’t have to use my brother’s full name. Every horn became silent. They entire line looked over at my brother. I cannot remember if it was my brother or somebody else that went, “oh oh, he found the magazines.”

So my brother taught me two things with this incident. Beware of your brother and always check under your mattress when you share a room.

I hope you enjoyed tonight’s meander. Thank you for reading.

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Lessons from Nana

Posted on February 29, 2016 by Bob Martin

nanaSince the adults in this story are no longer around, I feel that it is safe for me to post this story and not worry about them getting into trouble. I am also free to post this since the people who owned the establishment are also long gone. However, these people had such an impact on my life that they will always be with me. Stories like the one I am about to share will be in my memory to recall for the remainder of my time.

My Nana, Nana for she decided when my oldest brother was born that she was too young to be a Grandma, was a loving, caring, but tough as nails little old Polish woman. She took no gruff from us or anyone else. She was the first of her family to be born in this country. Her sisters had all been born in Poland with one of them having remained behind when the family first moved here. Nana and Papa went through the Great Depression. During the first part of their marriage, they were separated while my Papa served in the Army. They made it through a lot. They eventually bought property and built a home to raise my Mom and Aunt. Like so many of their generation they had a toughness to them, and they used any given moment to teach a lesson.

Nana knew how to be tough and teach in a unique way. I can only remember one time when she laid a hand on me, and, well……….. I deserved it. She found ways to get you to think about what you did or said in order to get you to change – and guilt. Being from a Polish, Catholic family guilt was used as a tool to teach quite often.

I am not sure if children ever hear the guilt line at dinner like we heard. I do know that many of my friends heard similar lines while growing up. Nana really knew how to cook, and her meals were outstanding. I credit her with my ability to whip together dinner from scraps. Be that as it may, a kid does not always feel like eating no matter how good the food (I was going to list things like golumpki, but you have to be Polish to get it). I can remember sitting at the table with a plate of food in front of me. Being the grandchild of immigrants, it could be used against you at the drop of the hat. I would complain that I wasn’t hungry. If I said this in front of Nana, I would then get a list of relatives that were starving back in Poland. The nastiest look I ever received was when I asked if I could package it and ship the food to them. I saw those eyes stare at me – I ate.

I know my cousins in Poland did suffer. They were growing up in the time of Communism. I can remember all the care packages that Nana and others would put together to send to them. I would hear the stories. Growing up I feared for them, and due to the number of times I heard about their lack of food, I never spoke back about eating after that.

Nana also taught me to never get cocky and talk smack. As I have written before, I grew up in a rural area with a small village. During second grade, my Church School took place on Saturday mornings. The classes were held in the basement of the church. Afterwards, I would walk the two blocks to the family bar. I loved being able to do this. I felt so grown-up to be allowed to do this. I also loved the bar. It is a huge stone building from the 1840s. It has a great basement that, with a child’s imagination, could hold robbers, critters, and ghosts. Even as an adult when I cleaned in the mornings the ghosts would still pop into my head when I went downstairs. I also loved this place because this is where the family lived when my Mom was very young. Between the upper floors and an apartment off to the side, Nana’s family lived and grew.

The bar had a kitchen and offered lunches. Nana was one of the cooks. She would work the weekends and many other times. I believe her potato salad is still served. So I would walk over from church and sit in the kitchen having lunch until Nana finished her shift. Every weekend my cousin, Uncle John, would come in to say hello and ask me what I wanted to drink. Being a cocky little seven-year old, I always requested a beer. I received a coke. This happened every week until – that one day.

I came in and sat down. Uncle John came in and greeted me. He had a deep friendly voice. I responded back a cheerful hello with my request for a beer. Nana and Uncle John looked at each other, totally unnoticed by me. He went back out to the bar and returned with, yep, a beer. My eyes must have popped out of my head for the two of them started laughing. Then Nana spoke up with, you asked for it – you drink it. I stared at the glass afraid to touch it. I believe I ate half my lunch before even trying to lift it. I took a sip and requested a coke. I learned that day that one must be careful with being cocky and asking for things that they do not want.

The last lesson that comes to mind tonight is when I was eighteen. Like I said, Nana was a LITTLE, Polish woman. By the time I had reached my full height, she only came to my chest. I still obeyed and revered her, but I could still make mistakes. For the life of me, I cannot remember the conversation that we were having. I know it was serious, and I know I had done something to get her angry with me. However, there was something funny going on in my head as this short person was taking me down to size. I had a huge smirk on my face.

She stopped in mid-sentence to look at me. She froze. Slowly the words came out of her mouth. “Wipe that smirk off your face.” What happened next, I cannot explain. Something took over my body and made me do it. I swear it was not me. Even slower than her words had come out, my hand raised to my face. The back of my left palm reached across to the right corner of my smirk. My hand passed over my lips with my letting go of the smirk as the skin crossed. I let me hand down and stood there struggling not to have a smirk on my lips. That is until she reached up and smacked me.

I fell backwards more in shock than from pain. The smirk forever gone. Nana had never touched me in anger before, and now something I did brought her to a level that I had never seen. I learned that day that actions hurt just as much as words. Even more I learned how easy it is to hurt somebody you love so deeply. I learned a new type of sadness that day.

There are so many other lessons Nana taught me. She was there for us when my mom became a single mom. She gave advice, she gave support, and she gave love. I hope that I can teach lessons to my daughter, in different ways, to our daughter that will stick with her and give her cause to write about them some day. What about you – what lessons did you learn from adults other than your parents?

Thank you for meandering with me today.

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Senior Discount

Posted on February 28, 2016 by Bob Martin

Seniors Discount buttonI want to either start the week or end the weekend with some light humor as I learn about how and where I am. I had an eye-opener this weekend which caused some laughter pointed in my direction. I am happy to announce that I was able to laugh right along with the others. I even enjoyed posting on Facebook so that others could laugh. In the end, it made me realize that I am not as worried about others opinions of me as I used to be. To follow-up on yesterday’s post, I have learned to like myself.

This weekend was a whirlwind. On Friday, I picked up my mother and niece as they used California for a two-day stop over on their way to Hawaii. I find it funny that even at the age of 50, I still get excited when my mom comes to visit. We are both adults and have shared that title for 30+ years, but I still can only see her as my mom and me as her child. We also enjoyed having our niece here. We don’t get to see her all that often, but really enjoy the little time we get. She has turned into a beautiful, young lady. We cannot wait to see where she goes in life.

So with guests in town, we had to do something to entertain them. What better thing to do but take them to the L.A. Zoo? Okay – we are family members so we did not have to pay for it. Now the zoo is a nice place to go for an afternoon; however, it is far from flat. This zoo is one hill after another. You turn a corner and up you go, you turn another and back down is the direction. Seeing that my mother is almost 80, we rented a wheelchair and let her ride. So with Nana in a comfortable positions, hats on, and plenty of energy, off we went.

The nice thing about being members, other than free entry all year, is that we receive coupons for free things throughout the zoo. I had thought enough to bring coupons for the tram. A zebra painted train of wagons with a little engine pulling along. You get a ride all around the outer part of the zoo with the chance to jump on and off all day. This is a perfect way to get our little group to the top of the zoo.

Our daughter took the coupons from me while we were in line. At the age of 8, she likes to be able to take charge of certain situations. She proudly marched up to the window to get our wrist bands. She asked the lady in the booth for four tickets. The employee looked at the group and grabbed four wrist bands. Now, I must admit that the tram has different prices for different age groups. Since we were not paying, I saw no need to tell our daughter the age break downs. Then I saw it.

The bands passed through the window were one green, one white, and two blue. Having done the tram before, I knew green was a child ticket, white was an adult ticket. The blue I had not seen before but was able to immediately guess. She told our daughter the information already stated and added, “The blues are the senior citizen ones.” SENIOR CITIZENS!!!! My niece, the one we love being with up to this point, started laughing. The only saving grace is that at the zoo, senior rates start at 55.

In the past, I would have gotten upset about this. How dare she assume this without asking. I am not that old. I have been asked about senior citizen discount or my age in the past, and, while laughing it off, took offense to it. The worst was while standing in line at a supermarket with my then six month old daughter. A person told me my granddaughter was beautiful. I corrected by saying daughter. The person responded with, “Oh….your last.” What the heck. However, with this one, I found myself enjoying it and laughing right along with our niece though I did threaten to make her walk home.

I even posted it to social media before our niece could. I had a friend even suggest that the employee needs to learn how to be better about it – I must say her post was in jest. I have accepted who I am and know that I cannot change things. I found I am able to finally take these types of things in stride. I have silver hair, genetics not age. I have wrinkles both from all the laughing I have done in my years and from the serious thinking. So what, I have wrinkles. I am who I am and I like it.

I even thought about the fact that I am a person who looks for discounts wherever possible. I can still remember my brother being embarrassed during my years in the military. I would go to restaurants and ask if they offered military discounts. One day, he asked if I was going to ask for the discount. When I said I would, he moved to the other line. Then he heard the cashier say yes, 20%. Next thing I know he was standing next to me. So if I was willing to accept them then why not now for having made it to a certain age.

So bring on the jokes, bring on the comments – I got my first senior discount because of my looks. Had I been paying, I would have corrected her and paid the correct price. However, if they want to still offer me the blue dinner price, I will pay it. I will smile and create another wrinkle. I will enjoy who I am. How about you?

Thank you for meandering with me.

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Can You Hug Yourself?

Posted on February 27, 2016 by Bob Martin

Mann umarmt sich selbstHow many of us can say that we really like the person with whom we have to spend the most time with? Right now, I hope, you are saying Yes to this answer, but at the same time, you are guessing the person to whom I am referring. I can assume that people are thinking spouses, boyfriend/girlfriends, best friend, a family member, or any combination of the above. However, I would have to sadly say, thank you for playing but you are wrong. The thing is you cannot have a solid relationship with any of the above people without having a strong relationship with this one person. Now people are thinking God. Well, yes, for those who are of the faith that is an answer, but not tonight’s. The person I am talking about is you.

My mom and niece are visiting with us for two days. This morning, my wife and I dragged her out of the house and up a mountain trail. I cannot explain how much I love the ability to do this. During her young years, I lived in Europe while serving in the Air Force. Since her sixth year, I have lived in California. I loved being able to visit while on leave or when I could afford to fly home for the holidays. However, I missed out being there while she grew. Now that she is an adult and with cell phones and Facebook, we are able to have a great relationship. This includes her Aunt and me talking to her about her future and where her life is going.

One of the things we discussed with her was the fact that she better be able to like herself before entering into a relationship. On top of that, whomever she chooses to be her partner better like himself just as much. If this isn’t the case, then the chance of success for the relationship is slim.

The more I thought while we walked and talked the more I thought about how lucky my wife and I are as well as a large number of our friends, but I also thought about the friends I know who do not have this. I then thought about how I wish I could have talked about this with my former students. As seventh graders, they were just starting to enter into the whole “dating scene” while figuring out who they were.

I know that this would confuse my students at first; it confuses so many adults as well. As a society, we tell young people that they should be more concerned about other people. They are supposed to help others and not worry so much about themselves, and yet here I am saying, you have to like yourself first. It seems so contradictory.

As we were talking were talking with our niece, we tried to explain that relationships cannot be finding somebody to complete you or for you to depend on. If you cannot be alone for any length of time and you need somebody else in order to be happy, then you are not going to bring a lot to the relationship. Both my wife and I used examples of how we were okay doing things on our own prior to dating. We both could go to movies alone, out to dinner, and, for my wife, attend sporting events. We can still do all of this things by ourselves and be happy. We actually look forward to days when the other has to be out running errands along with our daughter leaving the other home. The down time is wonderful. We don’t worry about what the other is doing; we know they will come home.

I used examples of past situations that I had found myself in. The other person, someone from the UK, looked happy on the outside. She had people thinking that she was fine. She admitted, unfortunately, that she was only happy when she was with me, or whomever she was dating, and that she hated being alone. This started so many problems that the relationship could not go anywhere.

I found myself wishing that my niece had more time here. I really want her to meet some people I know who truly are happy with themselves. The fact that they like themselves shows not only in their relationships, but also in everything that they do. The fact that they like the person they are, people are drawn to them and want to be near them. One specific couple helped me put together a party last week. Both the husband and wife do not worry about what others think or say, they know inside and out who they are and are more than okay with those people. I just find myself smiling anytime I am near them; it is contagious.

Another example would be my former supervisor while in the Air Force. Not only did they appreciate each other as well as themselves, they tried to teach it to their children. My boss was the person so many came to for advice because people could see that there was something different about him. Even those who could not put their finger on it, just knew that both he and his wife had something so many others wanted to have.

These are the people I would like my niece to meet. I am sure that she has her own role models back where she lives. Since we couldn’t introduce her to these people, my wife and I just talked to her. Though I hope that, even though it is very minimal, she sees what we have as a couple. We do not complete each other. We complete ourselves. What we do do is complement each other; we go well together.

I wish there would be a way to teach this to young people. They think they like themselves, but what they like is what they have and how they look on the outside. I would love to have a class for high school students where they get a better understanding of who they are on the inside. I want them to learn, no matter who they are or what activities they do, they are okay. I leave that to the readers to do one at a time as they mentor young people.

Thank you for meandering with me today.

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Life Lessons

Posted on February 26, 2016 by Bob Martin

You will make mistakes,learn from themI find it interesting where you find life lessons. These lessons can be for yourself, someone you love, or students you care about. We never go looking for these lessons; they just seem to appear. The trick to these lessons is being open to seeing them when they occur, and if you miss it, allow others to point them out to you. This week offered a few.

This morning our daughter came out for breakfast. I could tell from the look on her face that something had already gone wrong. Somehow in the 20 minutes from waking to sitting at the table, the world had all gone wrong. It turns out that today was “Dress Your Career Day.” The students had the chance to come dressed how they thought they would dress based on their current career choice. Something so simple had gone down the drain quickly.

The chance to dress up was not news for neither me nor my wife. Our daughter had told us all about it at dinner the night before. She told us exactly what she planned to wear. We asked her before bed if all of her clothes were set, “Yep.” As far as I understood, today would be a great day. She had this. Then the morning happened.

She came out wearing nothing close to the description provided the night prior. I asked what happened and received a long story that basically came out to be that a clothes thief came in the middle of the night and took everything. “I’m going to look horrible,” said a small voice from the dining room. I convinced her to eat and then we would attack. Lesson one, always prepare ahead of time to avoid disappointment.

I am happy to say that I, without knowing it, have fashion sense. I found a great shirt to match her jeans, pulled out one of my old ties, and accented it with her boots, a scarf, jean jacket, sun glasses, and sparkly hat. The day was saved! We had to take photos – both with and without the glasses. She chatted the entire way to school about how this would be her way of dressing as an adult. She couldn’t wait to get to school for her friends to see her. Just a little background, this mostly comes from Halloween. When she arrived at school with her costume, the other kids gathered around saying how much they liked her dress. We arrived and the excitement rose.

As we headed toward the building, she ducked down while passing the windows to keep the surprise. I opened the door and she went skipping into the room. The six or seven students were gathered around the table. I saw a soccer player, a business woman, an artist, and some student who decided not to participate. Our little one walked swaggered to the table. The others looked up and said hi then, immediately, the heads went back down to the table. Something really had their interest.

I watched our daughter’s face as she realized that the big hoorah she had expected would not happen. First the smile disappeared then the energy definitely dropped. She stood there for a bit not knowing what to do. After a couple of minutes, I felt as if I could see our talks running through her head. We often talk about not worrying about how others react. We talk about dressing for yourself and not for others. We have talked about the world not revolving around any one person. I could see her brain processing all of this. Then her smile came back and the energy level rose. Lesson two – be happy with who you are and do not depend upon others to make you happy. You control the first but not the second.

The final lesson for tonight is that you are never as important as you think. I enjoy my job. I work hard and long. I help out as many people as possible. The one cool thing is that the people I help are appreciative, and they tell me. Eventually this gets me to the point that I feel as if I cannot take a break and do anything outside of my job – come on, the world will stop. Well today, I did take a break. I had the pleasure to visit one of our elementary schools and read to a third grade class and then a second grade class. If you ever start getting too full of yourself, go sit in a room with 8 and 9 year olds. They will make you feel good, but not because of your job. They will just like you because you took time to be with them and talk with them. I get to do this two more times in the upcoming week. I cannot wait. I remember why I entered education.

As the weeks go on, I will continue to talk about what life teaches me. I just need to keep my eyes open as life continues to teach. What about you, what did life throw your way this week?

Thank you for meandering with me.

 

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Can You Relate?

Posted on February 25, 2016 by Bob Martin

too much pressure

This is the second post that I am writing tonight. The first one I have kept for my own reading later, but, frankly, it scared me. Then it made me feel better about myself and so many other people I know. I realized that I know a ton of good people, people who could go to “the dark side” each and every day but don’t. We all have stress in our lives some more than others. I see it while out and about, and I see it when colleagues are working with the people they serve. Yet, through it all, these people and so many others in the world suck it up and move on. So…how did I scare myself?

Today was one of those days, and fortunately they are few, where every time you turned around there was somebody looking for shortcuts, being rude, not taking responsibility, or just be annoying. We all deal with this each and every day, but some days seem to have more than a fair share of these people. You grit your teeth, you bite your tongue, but what else are you going to do?

Being a person who writes is a double-edged sword. It is a great release at the end of a day of stress. You go to another place and allow your mind to relax and de-stress. Writing allows me to experience realms that the physical body cannot. It is fun. It can also be scary. When I am standing in line, or sitting waiting for some reason or another, my mind runs through all sorts of scenarios. I worry about whether I am going to get one of those bad phone calls. I think of how I would react if I was fired. I imagine accepting a Pulitzer for my next novel. And then…… I think of what I could do to people who slight me…. I mean I start working on my next Murder Mystery.

My original post was actually a list of things that I have plotted out. Although after rereading it, I was afraid that somebody might not see the humor, or, worse, somebody might call the authorities on me. So I saved it for myself as notes for the next book. I will share a small sampling.

I have dreamt of having a device in my car like in the bat mobile where I could lay down oil once I got ahead of some of the people who feel the need to race and cut me off just to get ahead by one car length. I have also imagined having a large fly swatter rigged in my engine to smush and push those people who get in the left lane and go ten miles under the speed limit. Finally, car wise, I want tire pokers for those people who come up in the straight lane and then try to sneak into the turn lane at the last moment or those who see the big blinking arrows blocks away but still wait for the last moment to merge.

For the gentleman who decided he didn’t need a number at the optical department, I had other plans. He chose to wait for a series of numbers to be called without takers, a lot of people give up waiting and leave before being called, and waved his hand. Since the clerk didn’t ask for a ticket, he got away with it. The simplest plan was to wait until he was handed his new glasses then, as he turned to leave, bump him just right so that the glasses would going flying underneath the cart being driven by the young teen at 100 miles per hour. That was a lot nicer than my first plan which would have been to put poison in his saline solution.

The last one today happened was planned for the person who could not wait a second. I had called for the elevator and even stepped aside to allow this woman to enter. As I was about to step in, a person stopped me with a call out. I answered and went to step on the elevator only to have the door closing. The woman stood there not even reaching for the door button. As the door clicked shut, my brain immediately took me to the electrical room with the main circuit breaker was for the elevator. I went there and when it was between floors, I stopped it. Not only did I switch off the breaker, I broke it.

See – I scared myself. I think I am normally a calm rationale person. How could I go there even in thought? I tell you it is because I write. I am constantly coming up with ideas for stories. It is worse because the one book is a scary book and the one I am working on is a murder mystery. Writers allow themselves, in thought, to go places that they would never go in reality.

Now I started by saying that after being scared, I felt better. Instead of dwelling on all the people I dealt with today, I started thinking about the people I know, the people I work with, and the people I deal with on a daily basis. The people who like most of the world do not act on all of the thoughts they have about jumping across a desk and strangling others. You see those memes all the time that state how lucky people are that they did not end up in jail for acting on their thoughts. I felt better after writing tonight.

I felt hope for the world that the majority of the world can live and put up with each other. We may all hold those thoughts deep inside – I hope others have those thoughts and I am not crazy. It excites me the more I realize just how strong and resilient people are. So I will keep writing notes and stories as people push the right buttons. Who knows, one of those may become the next best seller. Others will continue to do whatever it is they do to not lose it.

Thank you readers. You helped me today. Thank you so much for meandering with me today.

 

 

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Sweet Children

Posted on February 24, 2016 by Bob Martin

Missing ChildTonight I had to talk myself into writing. It is not that I am without something of which to write, but instead I am writing with a sad heart. I have already posted a couple of times wondering what is happening to this world, but the question tonight comes from an entirely different place. The subject tonight made me stay away from the evening news for fear of seeing the stories repeated or, worse, hearing others along the same line. Tonight I cry for the children.

I believe that with the advent of the 24 hours news cycle, people have lost their sensitivity to certain stories. They flash across our screen and we hardly give them a second. I started wondering if I would ever feel sympathy or empathy towards others with all of the bad news that is thrown at us. Perhaps it is that my news today did not come from the television, but instead it was read. This meant I took the time to take in every word. With every word, my heart broke into smaller and smaller pieces. I know not these children, but I weep for them as if they are my own.

Please take a moment and pause for these three. While you are at it, pause for all of the innocents who parish due to the idiocies of adults or pure accidents. Please make sure you read about the last child.

While I am happy to report that the parents will now spend 18 years in prison, it does little to bring back their little 12 year old daughter. The pair adopted the young child and then turned her into a study machine for the next 10 years. When they finally tired of her, they killed her and disposed of her body like trash. I have not read all of the information available, but I would not be surprised to find that they found her to be a burden and cause of their divorce.

The second story was just as bad if not worse. A mother plead guilty to throwing her 6 year-old autistic son off of a bridge. She even went so far as to research how to get away with it being showing to be insane. She wanted to be assigned to a psychiatric hospital. In both cases, the parents actually researched how to do the killings. These children, innocent young people, were not given a chance for life. Their selfish parents, animals who had already had a chance to be something, decided that their children could not have the same choice. I sat there thinking of our daughter and cannot understand it. How could anyone look at a child and be determined to cause them to take their last breath.

The final story was one that is sad because of how the youngster passed – she saved one even younger. This story leaves a tear in your eye while also amazed that someone so young can make a choice with which many adults would struggle. The two youngster were playing outside when the 10 year-old realized that an empty car was rolling down the drive. She selflessly pushed the toddler out of the way, saving her. Her parents and three siblings will be able to move forward knowing the heroic deed she did, but without their daughter and sister. I did see that there is a GoFundMe account started for her. The link is: https://www.gofundme.com/wxqrrqec

I guess it is that our daughter is so close to in age to all three of these children. I cannot imagine having to go on without her. I pray for the parents of Kiera, the young hero. They must now do the unimaginable and say good-bye to their daughter. In all three cases, I wonder what the world has lost because these three are no longer with us. We have all lost with these stories. These are only three of the lost children today. My soul started aching for each and every child lost for any reason; lost yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

I could not help but stop and watch as I picked up our daughter. The playground was full of children. They were running, playing, screaming, and laughing. My mind drifted back to these three children. I can only imagine that they were doing similar things only hours before their lives were taken. I see them thinking that they had so many years still ahead of them. I wonder what dreams they held. What joys they celebrated just before tragedy. I wonder.

I will end by saying that I could not help but also think of the friends and colleagues I know who have also lost children way too early. I do not know their pain. I pause a moment and think of each and everyone one of you. So I end tonight asking that if you have a little one, no matter if they are 8 or 38, hug them. Love them. Never let them go.

Thank you for walking with me tonight. Please keep them in your thoughts.

 

 

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Now What?

Posted on February 23, 2016 by Bob Martin

Schottland - West Highland WadNow what? How often have you heard those words or said them yourselves? Said in an angry tone, you are telling people that you want nothing more to do with whatever is happening. Said with a normal tone and you could be asking for directions, what’s going to happen next, or, the subject of tonight, what to do when done with the current task. Children ask this all the time especially after the last Christmas present has been opened, so do adults. My question about now what is why?

Why is it that we must always be reaching for the next rung immediately? As soon as we have a firm grasp on the current rung, we immediately look up for the next hand grasp to pull ourselves up. We do not take the time to hang out where we are and take it all in. We do not look around, only up. Mind you, I am talking about more than work here. We are always looking for the next thing to do. There are some people who can stop, who can appreciate, who can enjoy their current place. I envy those people.

This is not a problem just for our society. I have traveled to many countries and found that while some countries do have a slower pace, many of the countries I visited also had the same drive. It is not even just a person to person issue, I can see this occurring in our communities, our state, and our country. Many of us, myself included, our always running for the top of the hill or if not the top to at least keep moving in some direction.

Now before I tick off too many people, I do understand that it is drive like this that moved our country ahead in the industrial race, helped us to win two world wars, and moved us to be the largest economy in the world. The drive is necessary to keep us ahead in so many areas. It is because of this want to be higher on the ladder that so many things have happened in this country. However, this drive trickles down and, as individuals, we don’t know how to stop.

As with most of my posts, this comes back to something I observed in the day. The person I observed was me. I am happy to say that I completed a number of tasks today. At the end of each task, I reached for my list saying now what. I never took time to accept that I was getting things done. I did not look back to see how hard some of those items were to complete. I did not stop to appreciate the people who were getting things done with and for me. I just kept reaching. As I shut down my computer, I started thinking about what I have done for the last four years. My brain immediately jumped to the, well, you’ve done a lot. Now what?

My pattern in life has always been tackle a challenge and then find the answer to those two little words. From the time I started working I would find that after two years, I would get the feeling of been there, done that. I would work very hard to learn, struggle, win, lose, complete the challenge, and then……..nothing. I would look around at whatever position I held and ask now what. I was fortunate that while I did the same main job for the Air Force for over nine years, my day to day job was changeable, and change I did. The good/bad thing is that I am not alone.

Many of my colleagues also ask that same question. Some follow a similar path, some find that they can satisfy this question with hobbies and interests. They find that they can stay put career wise, but they must always be striving to improve through other means. I am not sure when this drive went into overdrive. When you look back at the 50s and 60s, people worked for a company from beginning to end. Now companies do not expect it and employees do not want it.

Quite often, when pondering this question, I relate it to when we took our scouts to out on a two-day, 28 mile hike in the West Highland Way in Scotland. We were going up and down, 900+ feet. The scenery is breath-taking. I can remember having just walked through a small falls and reaching a peak. We stopped for a moment as the leaders looked around. The boys looked down the trail and back at us all asking, “Now what?” They did not want to look at the sights, they wanted to continue moving. They reached the goal and were searching for the next one.

I want to answer myself the same thing we told the boys, enjoy where you are. Enjoy what you have accomplished. Take it in. I have a number of friends who are within months or years or retirement, and they are starting to tell me the plans they have starting the day they no longer have to drive to work. I want to tell them the same. Wait a little. Enjoy where you are. Take in the number of years that you have toiled and rest before toiling some more.

Today, I hit 5000 views for my little site. I smiled. I cheered. I fist pumped. Then I asked, now what. Well, at least for this case, the now what is to reach 10000. I am happy to report that in this case, I am enjoying the view and plan to stay a while.

Thank you for meandering with me and taking the time to sit and enjoy the view.

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